Top 10 Mistakes On First Dates
Do you often wish you could a little better on your first dates?
First Dates can often be a source of anxiety for both parties. What do you do? Where do you go? What do you talk about? How will you conduct yourself?
If you're seeing a consistent pattern of non-progress in your first dates, then it could very likely that you're making one of a combination of the mistakes covered in this article.
The mistakes vary in degree of lameness as you could get away with some of them, but then, there are those that will kill your chances. I'll indicate each accordingly.
First Date Mistake 1
***Spending money to impress***
This is the classic mistake guys make: Trying to buy a woman's interest. It almost never works, and when it does work, it's not the type of women you'd want to be with anyway.
Do you know how many guys I've known over the years complain to me about how much money they spent on a date and still nothing blossomed out of it?
I don't know the exact number, but it's a lot. These range from picking up a girl in a limousine to other ridiculous expensive endeavors. Attraction is not bought, it's created through your behavior and personality.
If you want to spend money to get sex, they have professional people for that. If you want her to like you, spending money to impress is counterproductive to the cause.
Stop overspending to win her attraction, because as you may have noticed by now, it does not work very well. This also includes bringing all sorts of flowers and gifts. Granted, bringing flowers doesn't blow your chances necessarily but the question is, "Why?"
She is someone you're interested in getting to know better, and vice versa. Don't make it complicated. Keep it simple.
First Date Mistake 2
***Talking about argumentative topics- religion, politics, war, famine, locust, and the like***
This is a mistake that you could potentially even get away with it, but why not stick to pleasant topics on a first date? Depending on your persona, you might be able to discuss it for a few minutes but quickly move on.
Even if you agree completely on the issue and you're both on the same side of the political fence, you're talking about an aggravating topic. Move on to something pleasant and fun. It's only a FIRST DATE. There'll be plenty of time for aggravation if you get into a relationship later on. What's the rush?
First Date Mistake 3
***Making sexual jokes or talking about sex too soon***
When you make sexual jokes too quickly, she may thing you're not comfortable with the idea of it, or perhaps you're a bit inexperienced in the area.
When you talk about sex too soon, you're blowing your wad too fast, no pun intended. She'll think that's all you want and it reeks a bit of desperation. Desperation kills attraction and chemistry. There is a time to talk about sex and relationships and you have to know when that is.
This is you must improve your calibration skills. More on this later.
First Date Mistake 4
***Sticking to 1 conversation***
This is a pitfall people fall into by the order of convenience. Let's assume you were both working professionals, let's say you're both lawyers or doctors, sales people or whatever.
This is a huge commonality and it's obvious that you could establish some rapport talking about your experiences in the area. The mistake occurs when you never talk about anything else. The conversation stalls and becomes a boring logical conversation.
At the end of the night, there is no chemistry. It feels like you had another boring corporate meeting. Move on to a different conversation.
First Date Mistake 5
***The Conversation never progresses***
So let's say you talk about some common themes, where you live, what kind of food you like, why you moved to the current city you live in and so forth. These are basic rapport things that people talk about. At some point, the conversation should make some progress to have some depth to it.
There are probably a lot of cool things about you that she doesn't know about. This doesn't mean you ought to give a dissertation on the topic, but you ought to share a bit on what you're passionate about, and what your ambitious are. This gives her a glimpse of what makes you unique as an individual.
(conversely this goes both way. If you were on a “Date” with some girl and she bored you, would you want to see her again? Presuming you weren't desperate, of course.)
First Date Mistake 6
Bad logistics is another mistake. I am not a fan of taking a girl to a restaurant for a date. It's quite pointless. First of all, it's bad logistics. What if after a half hour, you don't like her, or she doesn't like you? You're both stuck behind a table in a restaurant in purgatory.
On top of that, spending 50 bucks on a meal to learn after 30 minutes that you don't want to see that person again is a bad deal, regardless of how you look at it. Don't fall into the propaganda about how it's a tradition that a gentleman takes a lady out to dinner.
Hey, slavery was a tradition at some point, so was castrating a woman in some cultures, actually still is in some places. The point: Not all the traditions are worth preserving.
Also stay away from places like the theater/cinema, (can't have any conversation there) and definitely stay away from going out with her friends. (They may be a pain in the ass by constantly interrupting your flow, or worse may try to sabotage you.)
First Date Mistake 7
***Too much negativity, especially your ex-girlfriend***
Talking about your ex and other negative topics will kill your chances very quickly. No matter how horrible the situation with your ex was, she isn't topic for discussion, and neither are other negative topics.
Some of my acquaintances to this day, (despite my strong warnings) still like to talk about how most of the women they meet are golddiggers, users, and how the single scene sucks and so forth on their dates. And of course, the girls usually don't want to see them again after that….
So it's your choice. If you are going to very negative, you'll scare away the good candidates and you just might attract another super negative person who likes to bitch and complain as well.
First Date Mistake 8
***Too Much Bragging- Car, House, Job, Promotion***
Bragging makes you come across insecure, and if you're constantly bragging, it probably is......... because you are.
New car, house, job, bragging about how much money you make, will hurt your chances of attracting a QUALITY woman. (Although sometimes it may work well in attracting broken down strippers who are broke come the end of the month when the rent-man is knocking on their door.)
On the other hand, you can learn to become a great story teller and be able to convey your personality, hobbies, and adventures through your interesting stories. This is the right way of doing it.
First Date Mistake 9
***Discussing Inappropriate Personal Stuff***
Stay away from really personal past experiences. This includes women you have had sex with previously, what you did, how you did it, with whom and so forth. These topics are not up for discussion EVEN IF She asks you about them.
Also, I don't care if Mr. Smith brushed against you in the wrong way in the 6th grade, it's not a topic for discussion with someone you've barely known. They have qualified people for that. They're called professional therapists.
First Date Mistake 10
***Trying To “Close The Deal” Too Fast
This is the question that runs rampant through a lot of men's minds: Am I getting some tonight? Being uncertain, the guy pushes too hard to try and get “Somewhere” and in the process, blows it.
Here is something you have to realize at some point:
Women WANT to have SEX too!
They like sex as much as you do. Society and organized religion would want you to believe otherwise, but if you have ever seen a woman's behavior during good sex, screaming so loud that neighbors call the cops, you know damn well she is enjoying it probably more so than the man.
Don't push too hard, and know that she wants it too.
It's not a big deal.
This is especially more important if you're inexperienced with sex or are a virgin reading this article.
On the same token, it's your job to know when she is ready. You must strike when the iron is hot. I don't care if you're on the 1st or the 5th date. It's your duty to calibrate and gauge when she is ready. If you do not, she will lose respect and attraction for you subconsciously, because you failed your masculine duties as a man. (or she may feel insecure that she is not desirable enough.)
Meanwhile, since we're discussing first dates, lean back and relax a bit. Like I said earlier, it's not a big deal.
Read this list a few times. You may find that you're guilty of some of these infractions. Some of them are actually pretty easy to fall into.
Avoid the mistakes and watch your success rise.
Of course, if you really want to become GREAT at this stuff, you owe it to yourself to get a copy of my ebook took me a few years to learn all of these things and all of this knowledge is in the ebook.
In there you'll find a comprehensive chapter dedicated to the art of story telling which will make you more interesting forever. You'll also find an entire chapter dedicated to conversational guidelines, and you can learn WHAT to say and WHEN to say it. The book will change the way you look at your interactions with women forever and will help you understand how you can better attract them.
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